TOTAL INFORMATION ANALYSIS

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The Scottish Rite Illuminated Order of Perfectibilists regrets to announce to brothers around the world that planned festivities for the Feast of Portunalia have been canceled.

This year's celebration was to have concluded with a spectacular show of fireworks in Charleston Harbor, South Carolina. Preparations for the ceremony had been handled by brothers in Charleston Naval Base, near historic Fort Sumter on the 33rd Parallel. Culminating in a lovely mushroom cloud, this year's festival was to celebrate the opening of the door to a new beginning of global nuclear warfare. The spectacle was to presided over by Brother Dick Cheney and broadcast live on CNN from the NORTHCOM situation room.

The Supreme Council particularly apologizes to its international brethren in the B'Nai and Sufi Rites, who will not be able to hold their scheduled satellite ceremonies. Lodges worldwide should also know that rumors the logistics of the festival were thwarted by machinations of the profane are untrue. It's just... it was overcast today. Yeah, that's the ticket.

More about Portunalia:

Wikipedia :

In Roman mythology, Portunes (alternatively spelled Portumnes or Portunus) was a god of keys and doors and livestock. He later became associated with Palaemon and became primarily a god of ports and harbors...

His festival, on August 17, was the Portunalia. On this day, keys were thrown into a fire for good luck in a very solemn and lugubrious manner.

Wiccan.net :

The Portunalia is a festival sacred to Portunis, an alter-ego of the god Janus. The temple of Portunis was built at the port on the Tiber. Also called the Tiberinalia, or the festival of the Tiber river, as Portunis is the god of the Tiber. Portunis is also known as the god of keys, or the opening of locked gates, while as Janus he was the god of doors.

• See also: Golden capstone canceled at Giza ritual

| Posted at 01:51 | PERMA-LINK |

Comments:
I'm not stupid- my IQ is 161- but am I correct in assuming this is a total joke? Just a fun play-break in an otherwise stormy decade? Or can someone enlighten me as to the source, validity, author, etc.?


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posted by Anonymous : 9:10 PM

 

You should probably go with your gut on this one.


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posted by Total : 4:54 AM

 

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